Thursday, July 29, 2004
haix...2 dae was no better den yesterdae, as i had expected. worse, fate went into action again. fate gave me more pain. it is not his fault, neither is it hers. it is juz fate. perhaps we rilly not meant 4 one another. skool was juz solely miserable 4 me throughtout the whole day. the stupid workout dampened me even more. i juz feel like cryin in public. but i canot. i simply can't make him hate me even more. i canot stand it any longer. i juz wanna disappear foreva. i wish 2 go 2 a place where no one can find me. where all my troubles will b gone and i will not hav anythin 2 ponder over. it will b juz me. no one else.no one will help me in any way. it will b me paddling my own boat. i need care and concern. y are those so difficult 2 achieve? was i born into dis world for people 2 mock at? was i born into dis world so i can suffer in misery? i hope dats the case. if not, dat means dat dere r many more poeple out dere in the same boat as me.i pity dem as i pity myself.nothin works rite fer me anymore. the world has gone haywire. the world has practically gone mad. i rilly hate my life. y m i suffering in agony while others r out dere enjoyin like mad and gettin things de way dey want? it's juz so unfair. i rilly someone 2 tok 2. or i will go crazy sooner ar later. love is selfish. love is hateful. love is suferring and agony. love kills my soul. i m now a dead person. juz like a walking dead. i hav no more life. i juz exist but i m not surviving.i need my survival supply. i seriously need it. i m a drowning lass in the middle of the ocean rite in a storm. i need a life bouy to rely on. some one dat i can depend on. i m so afraid. i dun wanna face the world out dere.the rain is fallin, and so are my tears. so uncontrollably. i hate 2 cry but i canot help it. i feel lost and tired. i feel tired of living a false life of my "own". i need energy. i need a bust of life. where's the adrenaline? where's the life? all this pain and torture becoz of u and her. selfish isn't it? u dun even realise dat i m having a difficult life. i juz canot stand ppl like you. yet i like u so much. i juz dunnoe y i fell for u. u r heartless. u r selfish. u r inconsiderate. go find ur girl and leave me alone 2 die and rot in a dark lonely corner....i dun need ur sympathy anyway.
just did it at 9:45 PM