Wednesday, September 29, 2004
omg i canot belive dat i m actually blogging at nite and summore on a week dae. serioiusly, 2 dae seemed like an ultra long dae. after i came back frm skool, i did my hm work and i even took an afternnon nap! dunoe where i got all those time frm. so surprising. well i hav quite an announcement 2 make. i hav decided. i hav make dis decision a couple of times before but i never had the chance or rather the courage 2 fulfill dat decision. in the past, i was 2 addicted. addicted to him. there was a super natural force dat was attractin me 2 him. now i noe. siew yee is actaully a very romantic gal. i nv knew. until i sat beside her and had a rilly gd chat. she was like an expert. i juz canot imagine. actually deep down inside, she was suffering much more den i was. and yes i admit dat she was 1 strong gal. now i noe, love is juz a trap...
3yrs ago, i fell into the trap. when i first saw his eyes, i was mesmerized. i knew frm den dat he was the one. throughout these yrs,i suffered alot. like rot hot lava in a pit and venemous snakes in a chamber. wat i suffered was not 2 be explained. the agony and pain. those daes were juz so torturous. until after 2 yrs and 1 mth, i decided 2 giv up. i was dying then, almost half dead. i had 2 hang on to any support i could find. i tried, but failed. once again, the force was juz 2 strong. so i continueued wif the hardship. and till 2 dae, i hav decided. and i m goin 2 giv up. and i mean it. i m determined 2 get out if this trap once and for all. no more regrets, and no more temptations. he, the once boy of my life had hurt me 2 much. he had killed my soul without even realising it. but i hav no one 2 blame. it's no one's fault. love is juz a game. u win, u r victorious. u lose, 2 bad. GAMEOVER. but givin up is not such a bad thing after all. i mean we can still be frends. juz yesterdae, the dae when i decided freedom over pain, i had the temptation agian. when i saw his hair blowin in the gentle breeze, i had dis feeling, dis special one. i had the intention of falling into the trap again. but fortunately, i listened 2 siew yee. i remembered her meaningful words of advice and encouragement. i hav decided, and i m goin 2 abide by my decision. i m nv regretful. frm now on, he will ony be in my memory. nth else. wonderful memories are meant 2 be kept foreva anyway. actually i feel quite hapi now. now dat i m free frm his clutches. now dat he and her are together, i can put dem together. i dun mind being called a coward. but ppl do not understand how much i hav suffered. the type of agony was not 2 be described, or rather, indescribable. dey are 1 and i hav no rites 2 pull dem apart.
2 my dear boi, sry for giving u so much trouble. frm now on, we r strictly frends. nth else. i wish u nth more den everlasting happiness.
frm ur once crazy lover,
just did it at 9:48 PM