Thursday, May 19, 2005
blah~ today was just another bad day. well i haven't been posting long posts for a long time.. shall do so today.. =PE
pe was quite ok la. played badminton again. seriously speaking, i'm getting rather sick of it. we played it every week twice a week ever since the napfa ended. mr tan wasn't here to supervise us today so we just played. nothing interesting.HCL
what can i say. jiang lao shi is full of biasness. i hate her so much. anyway we listened to the theme song of the shui hu zhuan haha and me and shuyi were singing away... and we did yu yan..Recess
hmm.. nothing interesting as well.. just ate and slacked.Science
didn't do experiment today. =( boo. it's so boring la.. I TOLD YOU there's nothing much today =)ACC
boring la.. we learned about jia gu zi.. those funny looking olden time words.
after school stayed back for stupid AV thing.
sigh. on the way home in the car i asked dad.me: dad will you mind if i learn guitar from my friend..dad: *pauses* you can try and play play but don't take it seriously as in buy a guitar and don't focus on it.
after that i practically kept quiet. but alot of thoughts were going on in my mind. why is it always like that. i'm forced to do all those stuff that i don't wish to do. and you won't even let me do anything i like. talk about respecting your child. all those lies about how good parents you are. all the bullshit. you never ever let me do something i like. why are you always telling me what to do. i don't want that. i want you to ask me what i want. why are you making so many decisions for me. i'm not your puppet you know. what's wrong with learning guitar?
then i was so pissed off when i reached home. locked myself in my room. was cursing all the way. the sky was so dark, it was going to rain. endless rain. fall on my heart. felt so depressed. then i had tuition. it sucked too. everything sucks. then during dinner i asked mum.
me: mum do you mind if i learn guitar from my friend?
mum: NO. NONONONONONONO. i won't ever allow that.i swear, at that moment i was going to cry. i could feel the tears in my eyes. but the sadness turned to anger. i was so fucked up. i raised my voice and started my protest.
me: but why? i only want to learn abit. just abit. let me have a feel la. i really have interest in it.
mum: are you going to learn twice a week? for the whole june? that won't do..
me: i didn't say that! i just wanna learn for maybe 1 or 2 lessons. why do you always force me to do things against my own wishes and then forbid me to do anything i like.
mum: what kind of friend is it?i was so bloody pissed off with that sentence. first of all, you don't trust me? you don't trust the company i mix with? whats your problem. secondly, IT? don't ever refer my friends to and IT. anyway, i answered.
me: she's a SHE. don't worry * i said that in a skeptical voice* and SHE is my sec 2 senior.
mum: i don't know go ask your dad.
what the fuck. and it ended here. i don't care you know. i'm going to learn guitar. i'm going to be what i want to be when i grow up. i'm going to do what i like as long as i think that it's not incorrect. and what are you going to do about it?
i really think my parents control me too much. since young, i have always been given directions and intructions. we never ever had a parent-child talk. because all i do is listen to you. i never had the chance to voice out my opinions. but now, i've grown up already. there are certain decisions that i'm supposed to make myself. for example, what i want to be when i grow up. i was asking my mum that day. * we were walking in a shopping mall and we walked past the STORM hair salon*
me: wow look at all the people working inside.. so cool.. i wanna be like them when i grow up. to style people's hair, and create my own style. what do you think?
mum: *pauses for a long time* bu yao lah.. na zhong ren bu san bu si...and once again, i was sooo pissed. i didn't shout back.
me: don't tell me you look down on their jobs.
mum: *keeps quiet*
OMG. what's wrong with you mum? you're becoming like all typical singaporean AH SOHs. why do everyone think that the only jobs suitable for their children are either a lawyer or a doctor, or an architect, or some FAMOUS CORMECIAL JOBS. what the hell is wrong with being special? are you going to choose my occupation for me when i grow up? no way i won't let you do that. why are you looing down on everyone? what the hell is wrong with being a hair stylist? why are you always controlling my life? i don't like it. sigh i'm feeling really confused and mad now. i really don't know what to do. there's no one to help. wait. no one understands anyway. everyone probably has nice parents. unlike mine.
to mum and dad: have you all ever thought of what i really want?
just did it at 8:02 PM